That girl was me.

3 years ago today.

A memory popped up on my phone from three years ago to the day.

It was a selfie had taken of myself. I remember the exact moment, and remember the exact reason why I took the selfie too – because I knew at some point in the future, it would pop up and I’d look back and see how far I’ve come.

20.08.21

When it did pop up, my immediate reaction was sadness for that girl.

My mouth downturned and I looked myself deep in the eye remembering and feeling exactly how I felt in that moment. It was so vivid. My heart was destroyed. It ached so bad. It was the most painful period of my life I ever want to experience.

At the time of the photo, I was sitting in my car parked outside the gym, about to go in. But I spent a good hour crying my eyes out before leaving the car. No one knew anything about it when I pulled myself together to walk through the doors.

Looking at the photo, there was a warmth within me though. That was me. And here I am. I did it. I was everything I needed to get through that time.

But I felt deep sadness looking into my own eyes knowing the pain I felt every day.

Looking at me, I just wanted to grab hold of me and never let me go and reassure me that I’ll make it and that I will get to a point that I never thought I’d reach and be so proud of myself.

I want to reassure that girl that she will find herself in the loss of everything and find such peace, and know that she could lose it all again but she will know exactly who she is and never feel as lost as that again.

That girl was a fucking warrior. She would wake up every day, not knowing if she’d walk through the door again that night. She felt torn that no one knew the pain she was going through, but was wrapped in so much darkness to ask for any help.

That girl had no idea she was about to stumble across the power of psychedelics that would most likely save her life and change her trajectory.

Lost in the Peruvian mountains 04.06.24

That girl was me. And here I am now.

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I share this memory and perspective to hopefully give light to someone who might feel how I felt on that day 3 years ago.

And also, like all those people I passed in the gym that day - you have no idea what someone might be going through.

Always choose kindness.